The pool, the paragraphs, and the selfless people...

I've been feeling the need to blog, to write, to free myself a little from an overflow of emotion and thought. Oh where to begin...
Somewhere...let's start somewhere. The pool. My new second home that's not a home...my work, my prison. Something happend the other day at the pool that seriously tested me. I got through it quite well for someone name Zoe Alicia Williams. Normally that girl doesn't know how to stick up for herself and face the issue, but that day she did...and resolved something that was very wrong without much worry, scars, or change.
I'm proud of myself...yet not. I should have acted earlier...but I keep telling myself that I didn't act too late, and acting at all is better than nothing. I wish I could elaborate more without breaking promises, but sadly I can not. The person who did the wrong, made me promise to keep the issue, which they are very embaressed and mentally upset about, under wraps. I figure this blog is more for me than any one else...and if one of the few people that do read this blog decide to ask me more about the issue...then maybe, but only if they have a REALLY good reason for needing to know. Now where to go from there...

Words. Words, and their effect, is where I will go next...I'm going to fill two paragraphs just filled with words and after you read them I dare you tell me that words can't hurt someone...words are our connection to the world and to other people, but words can hurt too...just like the world and other people can hurt. These "paragraphs" of words will make someone feel very different. Isn't that amazing? That meaningless letters can form into words....that form into meaning...that can create feelings inside of us. Isn't that amazing? I think so...

Expectation. Hate. Stupid. Torture. Pain. Hurt. Ugly. Mean. Hopeless. Useless. Retard. Broken. Burnt. Cripple. Angry. Used. Ass. Weak. Nerd. Fat. Poison. Kill. Separated. Dumb. Murder. Strangle. Beat. Spank. Tease. Violence. Charge. Selfish. Used. Raped. Whore. Shredded. Frown. Scared. Demolished. Abused. Shoved. Suffocate. Hungry. Embaressed. Ignore. Yell. Slap. Scream. Push. Drag. Weep. Crushed. Thirsty. Tremble. Ache. Death. Fall. Alone. Suffer. Teased. Forced. Shot. Ruined. Lost. Confused. Drugged. Enemy. Choke. Wound. Empty. Nothing.


You can't be feeling too great after reading through those words...

But what about these?

Hope. Love. Warm. Comfort. Held. Soft. Supported. Truth. Safe. Free. Home. Beauty. Trust. Kind. Smart. Caring. Gentle. Sweet. Touch. Whole. Close. Smile. Happy. Capable. Together. Friends. Hug. Innocent. Adorable. Caress. Embrace. Enjoy. Cuddle. Baby. Giggle. Tender. Soar. Divine. Soothing. Filling. Greatful. Unconditional. Amazing. Gorgeous. Precious. Lovely. Merry. Jolly. Cute. Accepting. Everything.

Doesn't it make you wonder why it is easier to come up with words that make you feel awful than words that make you feel wonderful?
Just something to think about...

What makes someone feel so useless? Why do some people grow up feeling like such a burden to others when others grow up feeling like everyone else is a burden to them? It makes me sad to think about such selfless people.
Have you ever thought about the word selfless. I mean... useless has no use, careless has no cares, timeless is without time...so selfless must mean that they have no sense of self...can you imagine having no ego. No care about yourself except for maybe the preservation of your life only because other's around you might still want you around. Isn't that sad? It's pitiful. Full of pity. I want to take that person and tell them, "You make people around you happy all the time! You are a whole lot more important than you take yourself for! What are you thinking! You are meaningful to this world! And you know what?!?!?! Flies are even important on this world! Without flies this world would be a smellier place. Are you saying that you are even more insignificant than a house fly?!?!?! Is that what you are telling me? The people around you love you. They love you a lot! And how the FUCK (excuse my french) do you think you are going to be more important, more loved, more useful when you aren't in this world anymore...when you are nothing more than fertilizer...will you be useful then? HELL NO YOU WON'T!" *sigh*

Well...those are my thoughts for tonight. I have to do some more time tomorrow...a lot actually. Haven't had a full day in a while. So...oyasuminasai (goodnight). It feels pretty nice to let a little bit of that into the atmosphere. =)